EXPLORE THE IMPACTS
Early Loss of Caregiver
Losing a parent or primary caregiver early in life can leave deep, lasting imprints on the brain, body, and emotions. Because these losses often happen before a child has the language to make sense of them, the impact is stored in the most primitive parts of the brain—especially the areas responsible for fear and safety. This can lead to intense reactions when separated from loved ones, a heightened fear of abandonment, and behaviors that may seem irrational but are rooted in early survival instincts. By understanding how this loss shapes both emotional and physical responses, we can create supports that foster connection, safety, and long-term healing.
Brain
Since the lower regions of our brain have no sense of time, they think we are still living in a cave. Oh my! Because of that, and because infants are born with their senses in a heightened state and the rest of their brain still developing, infants recognize their parents by their smell. When that smell disappears the brain has an intense reaction, especially the fear center. This makes sense because if you are living in a cave and lose your parents, you are at very high risk of not surviving. This stress again can overdevelop the fear part of the limbic system causing them to panic when someone, especially someone they care about, leaves.
The more intense and “irrational” something is, the more it is connected with the lower, unconscious regions of the brain. Fear of abandonment that is deemed irrational, often has its roots from an early loss of a parent.
Body
The person might have suppressed or repressed emotions- this can manifest as somatic (body based) complaints- it will be important to take these pains seriously and not minimize the person’s experiences.
You can practice meeting someone's emotional needs and keep yourself regulated by communicating in a trauma responsive manner. (Review p44 in PSP workbook).
Behavioral Patterns
Early loss increases likelihood for depression, anxiety, somatic complaints and lower self esteem.
Possessiveness in relationships and an intense fear and panic when someone leaves can also be rooted in this experience. School phobia is one way this can appear as well. Interpersonal violence (IPV) is another. Aggression toward self, others, or objects when alone or fear of being alone or rejected can also occur.
Indiscriminate attachment (attaching too quickly), fear of attachment, and reacting to attachment (rejecting or hurting someone after a positive experience with them) are all ways early loss of a parent can manifest behaviorally.
People who have lost a parent or primary caregiver early, often have no object permanence for attention. It is important to remember that “Attention seeking is connection needing.” Ignoring the person will only intensify their reaction to separation. See the transitional objects & “what to do till we’re together again” discussed in Supports.
Supports
Support the person in building their sense of self and self-esteem.
Life Maps, Mala Bracelets, Calming Box and Art Journal from the PSP workbook are supportive activities to build self-esteem.
Storytelling about positive memories and creating experiences to keep those memories alive today can be helpful and soothing.
Reflect, Honor, Connect (PSP workbook p44) will be a helpful communication practice in supporting the person in feeling their feelings.
It is also important to help the person have a transitional object that reminds them of the people who are important to them when they cannot be together. In turn, the person who matters to them should have a transition object as well. This lets the person who has had the early loss know that they are being thought of even when they are not with the other person.
It will also be important to work with them to know what to do “in the meantime,” so they can engage themselves, positive memories, and activities in order to regulate even when they are not co-regulating (regulating within six feet of a safe other will support the unconscious co-regulation capacity).
Please remember you CANNOT punish or isolate someone into regulation. They need safe people to co-regulate with and then ways to carry that memory of safe regulation with them (pictures, stories, transitional objects).