EXPLORE THE IMPACTS
Domestic Violence
Growing up in a home marked by domestic or intimate partner violence can shape a child’s brain, body, and behavior in profound ways. The constant stress of unpredictability wires the nervous system to stay on high alert, making it harder to think clearly or regulate emotions when faced with conflict. Over time, these patterns can lead to an overactive stress response, a heightened sense of threat, and reactions that may look like anger or impulsivity but are rooted in fear. By recognizing how early exposure to violence shapes perception and behavior, we can replace judgment with compassion and work toward strategies that rebuild safety and trust.
Brain
Witnessing DV/IPV from 0-7yo can lower ones IQ as much as 10 points.
Larger limbic activity than cortical activity occurs- which means an overactive stress response and hypervigilance can manifest- rather than the ability to “think rationally” or stay within one’s window of tolerance when the stress response is activated.
Their limbic system (which is not under their conscious control) has “learned” (developed a neural network for) an understanding that the safest person in the room is the most violent person in the room. This is because in interpersonal violence (IPV) frequently the only person not being hurt is the person engaging in the violence. When a person exposed to IPV or domestic violence (DV) as a child becomes afraid or concerned or angry (which is a fear response) they have a high chance of reacting with aggression.
Body
A disconnection is created between visceral (felt in the body) memory and the biographical memory that would provide a reason for the unpleasant physical sensations.
This experience disrupts felt safety with increased heart rate and blood pressure.
One's body can experience terror, rage and helplessness increasing the person’s impulses to fight or flee.
Often times one will numb out or become hyper-aroused in response to feeling scared or uncertain when violence will occur again.
Behavioral Patterns
A person may have difficulty putting words to their experiences. In this heightened state of distress, typically people express their fear, rage and helplessness through their behavioral expression.
They will make sense of their world and interact with their world by acting on it NOT thinking about it. They may be labeled “impulsive, reactionary, aggressive.” It is not uncommon for them to engage violently with self, objects, or others, especially when they are afraid. They will over-read threat and their fear will appear as anger.
Supports
The person will need a non-judgemental atmosphere and compassionate supports.
“Power with” supports that help the person execute action.
Give caregivers and supporters an understanding of the ‘hand brain’ model (Page 20) in order to limit their judgment of the person’s behavioral expression.
Support caregivers and loved ones in practicing the 3Ps to prepare for unexpected triggers or experiences that might activate the stress response.
The Anger Onion can be helpful in identifying the fear driving the aggression. Once you identify the fear, you put interventions in at the level of the fear. This is important because working with the ROOT of what’s going on is more effective and healing then putting out fires or blaming/shaming the symptoms. Interventions aimed at punishing the anger to stop it will only increase it.